Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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