just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
