She's JV to your varsity
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
