I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
