Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
