Christians are straight up FREAKS
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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