I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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