Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
