Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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