im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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