i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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