Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She needs sedatives and a leash
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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