when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
