We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
