Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
