So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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