I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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