Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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