do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
