Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
