I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
