The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
