So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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