you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
