Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
