I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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