there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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