Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
