YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize