Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
