I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
