This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
