She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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