he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
