but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
