Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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