ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
