thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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