She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
