glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
