I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
