He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
