and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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