they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
