i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
