Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
