How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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