hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
