Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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