morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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