I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
