once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
