they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
