You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
