you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
