your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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