I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
