Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
