Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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