i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
