If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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