so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
