Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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