i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
