Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize