She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
