At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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